DOOM!!!!

SAMANTHA.

OTHERWISE KNOWN AS LJ USER inlovewithnight!

BEHOLD. DOOM wishes to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY. DO NOT SCROLL PAST THIS ENTRY!!!!111 Seriously, don't. I have a team of Latverian sculptors ready and willing to make a statuary group in your honor, but they want to know if you prefer LIONS or TIGERS or if you just want the standard mermaid-and-triton layout.

WHATEVER YOU DESIRE SHALL BE YOURS!!!11

Also, you can have a CUPCAKE. But don't TELL anyone, okay? YOU MAY RUIN DOOM'S IMAGE.

Now, I'm going to watch DR. PHIL.

HARKEN UNTO DOOM, PEONS!!!

Er, flist. SAME THING. WHAT ARE FRIENDS TO DOOM?

Where was I?

Oh, right.

HARKEN.

I, VICTOR VON DOOM, SOVEREIGN OF LATVERIA, have made a DIFFICULT DECISION. No longer will I be devoting my BRILLIANT MIND to the prompts at theatrical_muse. This decision was not MINE, flist, because I DO ENJOY PONTIFICATING ON A VARIETY OF TOPICS. My MUN, however, is LAME and has had to make "decisions on ways to spend her free time" or something STUPID.

IT IS BECAUSE SHE IS NOT A GENIUS, and cannot keep UP. I MOCK HER GREATLY!!!!111 Also, I can't BELIEVE she would rather write that RED EYED CLOWN at TM than ME. I AM VICTOR VON DOOM! I AM GREATER THAN ANYONE!!

[rage blackout]

ANYWAY, do not THINK you can cut iamdoom from your FLIST for INACTIVITY.

DOOM DOES NOT APPROVE OF FRIENDS CUTS! Also, Doom has a lot to say, and intends to DO SO for whatever he WANTS.

TAKE THAT, BORING MUN OF MINE!!111

I will still be making POSTS when the URGE strikes me. Or when my mun feels the need to rage blackout at something, like the printer or other people she works with. HOWEVER, DOOM will no longer be a part of theatrical_muse. DOOM has GREATLY ENJOYED his time there, however, and meeting you PEOPLE, even if some of you are LAME.

That is all.

DO NOT FORGET ME, MORTALS!!!!11

OR I WILL THROW YOU FROM A CLIFF!!!!!!!11 MWAHAHAHAAHAH!!!

OOC: ::hugs:: Thank you all for making Doom's stay at theatrical_muse so very fun. As Doom says, he will continue to make posts, but I'm taking him out of TM as my time for prompt-writing has been short lately. I <3 you all! As does Doom, even if he can't say it. :-)

X-posted to theatrical_fen

DOOM does not sleep on COUCHES.

Well, okay, SOMETIMES I do. But not in my own PALACE. Er. It's more like a...castle, I guess, but ONE MAN'S CASTLE is another man's palace, right?

EXCEPT MINE IS MY PALACE!!! GET YOUR OWN!!!!

One time I slept on the couch because RIIICHAAAAAAAAAAARDSSSSSS and I were working in the LABORATORY all night, and we were tired. Okay, NO, I was tired and he was NOT. I mean, he was probably tired but he was being DUMB and not ADMITTING IT, the MORON. He drank a pot of coffee and couldn't sleep but DOOM feels it is important to do science ONLY AFTER A GOOD NIGHT'S REST. So I slept on the couch because then I could be BETTER at science than him. In the morning, Richards had solved some IMPORTANT EQUATION in SCIENCE and won a NOBEL PRIZE and got a GRANT and EVERYTHING. !!!!1111 I WAS THERE BUT I SLEPT THROUGH IT!!!

DO YOU SEE THE INDIGNITY OF THAT, FLIST OF DOOM? DO YOU?? WELL?? DO YOU??

I tell people I was there, and I'm all, "WELL, I was SLEEPING since it was TWO AM." And they say I'm JEALOUS and probably wasn't even THERE. And Richards, can he be bothered to at least ADMIT that I was, in fact, THERE? NOOOOO. Wouldn't want to sully your reputation and admit Dr. Doom SLEPT ON YOUR COUCH WHILE YOU DID SCIENCE, eh, RICHARDS????11

Hmph.

That was the last time I slept on a couch.

AND THUS SHALL IT BE THE LAST TIME, EVER!!!!!1111

WELL, GEE. I DON'T KNOW. When did my parents LIE TO ME??

"OH VICTOR, we won't LEAVE YOU. We are your PARENTS and no one's PARENTS get killed by evil MAGIC and almost FREEZE TO DEATH in the Latverian Mountains! Here, have a cookie because LIFE WILL ALWAYS BE AWESOME."

THAT KIND OF WAS A LIE. HMPH.

Also, "YOUR DAD IS A HEALER." That was clearly a LIE, too, since my MOTHER DIED.

And, "Victor, your mother is a POWERFUL WITCH." Except if she was, why'd she DIE.

My parents were STUPID. But they gave me a VENGEANCE GOAL, which I think every young child should have. It gives a young lad some direction in life, like, say, learn the black arts and OVERTHROW the ruling monarchy and steal the country for your OWN.

SO I guess I can't be THAT mad at them.

Still. IT WAS REALLY COLD. Some WITCH you were, MOM. You could have made it WARMER!!

(Speak ill of my saintly MOTHER, PEONS, and I WILL TOSS YOU FROM THE HIGHEST CLIFF OF LATVERIA!!!!!11 Doom loves his dearly-departed mother! DOOM IS ONLY ANSWERING THE QUESTION SO HE DOES NOT RECEIVE A WARNING FROM THE COMICS MOD!)

Dear Dr. Von Doom,

Thank you very much for your recent letter. The Olympic Committee certainly appreciates your continual enthusiasm for your country, Latveria, serving as host for the Winter Games. Unfortunately, as we have made clear in past communications, to do so is strictly impossible according to Olympic Committee guidelines.

While we certainly believe you that "Latveria has BETTER WEATHER than your stupid OTHER COUNTRIES", we cannot overlook several important important facts regarding your country, namely;

1. Lodging. There are no major hotels, and nothing to serve as an athlete's village. While we are impressed at your willingness to "have the peasants work overtime building huts for them," we would prefer our athletes have amenities such as running water and central heating. Your offer to "renovate the dungeons" was appreciated but unnecessary, as it violates several Olympic standards as well as two or three ordinances of the Geneva Convention.

2. Accessibility. While your offer of oxen and carts to carry in athletes "like princes" is certainly well-intentioned, we would require an airport for international travel. As we understand, the nearest airport is in Rumekistan and cannot handle the anticipated volume of international travelers. I do not think "specially trained whales" will help in ferrying passengers to Latveria. Several environmental groups would likely be understandably outraged.

3. Political Climate. Your country is listed as a hostile dictatorship. This is not in keeping with the spirit of the Olympic Games. We do not condone your actions as a leader, despite your assurances that "80% of those peasants I throw off the cliffs agreed to do it before hand, and most of them live." While you may say, "It's only for SHOW," we consider it a gross violation of human rights and cannot in good conscience advocate anyone traveling to the area.

4. Standard of Living. While we find the photographs of the castle you included with your letter to be very interesting, this does not illustrate to us how the common people of your country live. Your assurances that you could "build a few houses for those who prove themselves" do not erase our misgivings in this matter.

5. Unfortunately, we would be unable to feature you in "no less than six televised broadcasts per day," regardless if you think this will "eliminate any crime" or not. The Olympic Committee does not condone your notions of "providing order through fear."

If you seek to address these issues and provide a stable, modern environment with a working government, we may consider your request in the future. Unfortunately, it is impossible at this time to consider adding Latveria to the list of the possible hosts for the Olympic Games.

Thank you. We wish you the best of luck in training your athletes, and hope most of them survive the process.

Sincerely,

The International Olympic Committee

CC: INTERPOL

[RAGE BLACKOUT]

Old Acquaintance

OOC: Doom!Mun sincerely apologizes for her being MIA most of the holidays, and promises to keep ol'Doom more up to date. Also, this is entirely Victor's idea about he and Reed and how they met. I do not pretend that it is canon, only that it exists somewhere in Victor's brain as truth.

I KILL THEM!

Sometimes I try and they DON'T EVER REALLY DIE.

HA. JUST KIDDING, LIVEJOURNAL, DON'T REPORT ME TO THE RUSSIANS. I HEARD THEY BOUGHT SIX APART. If they don't want it after all those whinybabies complain about their FANFICTION, they'll sell it to the RUMEKISTANIS. JUST MARK MY WORDS!!111

My good friend REED RICHARDS!!!!!! is my old acquaintance. I KEEP SPELLING THAT WRONG, having that "c" before the "q" is STUPID and I'm going to make it a CRIME in Latveria to make up words with "c's" before "q's". ANYWAY. I met Reed Richards at Empire State University, and if it weren't for ME, he never would have lasted a MONTH. Seriously, who do you think EXPLAINED BASIC PHYSICS to him? YES, ME, VICTOR VON DOOM, SOVEREIGN OF LATVERIA, WHERE WE DON'T MAKE UP WORDS WITH C's BEFORE Q's.

Yes, it was I, Victor Von Doom, who really helped Reed Richards pass Physics when we were in college. Also, he would forget to EAT if someone didn't remind him, and he was such a DORK that no one wanted to actually go to the dining hall with him. So, BECAUSE MY MIDDLE NAME IS BENEVOLENT, I decided to invite him to go with ME and I was tired of eating by myself, too. We talked for MANY HOURS about science and Reed's pretend CANADIAN GIRLFRIEND, and then we went and saw a movie or something, I don't remember, but then we were friends and I always did his homework.

AND TO THANK ME, he totally ran off with SUSAN STORM who SAID she liked the 'open relationship' idea but I don't think she really DID and stole some of my RESEARCH ("Fantasticar" was supposed to be the DOOMVROOM. SHUT UP THE NAME WASN'T VERY GOOD BUT IT WAS IN THE INITIAL DESIGN STAGES!!11) and then he decided, "Oh, Victor, let's be ARCH-ENEMIES it'll be GREAT."

Now he has a superhero team and a big building and a nicer lab than me. I am going to WRITE Empire State and tell them how I DID HIS HOMEWORK and they can take away his fancy DEGREE, and then where will you be, REED? HMMMM?? BWAHAHAHA FEAR THE WRATH OF VON DOOM!

Also, are you ever going to call me back? I have your Christmas present and I need that PO Box you insist I send all my mail to you, I keep losing the number and when I sent your birthday present, I got a really mean phone call from MATT MURDOCH. WHO DOES NOT APPRECIATE ANTHRAX? I tell you, some people...

Anyway, Reed Richards is my oldest friend acquaintance. AND HE DOESN'T EVEN SEND A CHRISTMAS CARD.

Hmph.

[In case you think the Latverians are saner than their overlord....]

In Latveria, two men--we'll call them Olaf and Lars, just because that'll do--are sharing a glass of Latverian ale. They're old men, almost seventy, and they speak in that lyrical, lilting Latverian accent that sounds like they're singing. They're in a pub, or as close to as they have to pubs in Latveria, drinking and reminiscing and talking about Days Gone By, and Days To Come, and all the other things old men talk about at bars. This is here transcribed in English, as Latverian is hard to type without a Cyrillic keyboard.

"D'you remember Zorba?" Olaf asks, tossing back his ale. "Sometimes I think he wasn't that bad."

"Pshaw," Lars says, shaking his head. There is ale foam on his beard. "He was a crazy nutcase, remember?"

"Had to be better than metal face," Olaf retorts, leaning forward. "You hear what ol' LoonyDoom did now?"

"Was it the thing about the otters?"

"No," Olaf says, pounding a meaty fist on the table. Olga, one of the barmaids (her name is really Jennifer, but we think Olga sounds more like what you'd expect from a Latverian barmaid, don't you?) jumps and glares at him, threatening to fill his glass with ale if he does that again. "The new law about how we're all supposed to watch that one show and write a two-page summary to be delivered to his lordship?"

"Hear it's cause they canceled his TiVo," Olga says wisely, brushing dirty-brown (it's actually a very pretty chocolate brown) hair out of her face. She wipes her hands on her (jeans) peasant skirt and smirks. "Cable company left us all ours, though."

"I don't even like Dr. Phil," Lars says, clearly mystified. "Besides, I'm at work when it's on. What is the matter with that man?"

"See? He's got too much time on his hands up there in that castle," Olaf (maybe his name is actually Will) says smartly, pushing his now-empty glass across the bar for another round.

"Zorba used to have us all executed on a whim," Lars reminded him solemnly. "Doom just wants television recaps."

"What about the cliff throwing?"

"He has to know we don't die. He threw my grandfather off three times. Grandma got a plaque and everything."

"Still don't get it," Olaf mutters, more ale in his beard. "The laws about television. All those letters he writes to the Olympics. The thing about the otters. Remember Robot Christmas?"

Olga and Lars shudder theatrically. "Who could ever forget Robot Christmas?"

"Just think maybe, Zorba, he was a right bastard. But he didn't make us bring doves to his house on random Sundays or pay for groceries by singing songs we made up." Olaf stares moodily at his ale. "We're the laughing stock of all properly oppressed people."

Lars shrugs. "Could be worse," he says wisely. "We could live in Providence."

The three of them shudder again, and clink glasses. Someone leads a rounding cheer to their overlord, Victor Von Doom. Who sits in his throne room and passes laws about things like cheese-eating and the proper way to format the margins on their recap of Dr. Phil papers, and will never hear them sing.

Doom!Mun means absolutely no offense to the TM mods. I had a lot of fun making Victor scream about these. :)

BIRDS ON A TREE?

WHAT?

I finally come back after my HIATUS is over, and I'm given prompts of LAME SONG LYRICS and BIRDS ON A TREE???

Why was the topic not, "WRITE A THOUSAND WORDS ABOUT YOUR GLEE IN DOOM'S RETURN!!11"

Seriously, that's poor timing. I'm BACK. *pouts*

DOOM was on a little vacation at a spa, okay, being an overlord is stressful, DOOM required a mud bath and natural hot spring immersions! but he is BACK NOW, in all of his GLORY, and I EXPECT a little bit better PROMPTS to choose from now than BIRDS ON A TREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, I hate Bob Dylan. I don't care if ooh, his lyrics are so allegorical and amazing. NO, and he sings like a LATVERIAN PEASANT BEING TORTURED ON THE WHEEL who has no VOCAL CORDS LEFT!111

I can't even WATCH that You-tube video. DOOM has a PROBLEM with You-Tube after HANK MCCOY keeps finding me acting like a total moron FALSELY INCRIMINATING videos of me on there. YOUTUBE IS DEAD TO DOOM! So, obvs, am not going to choose that one.

So. DYLAN is out, that stupid VIDEO is DEAD UNTO DOOM as previously stated, and there is that STUPID QUOTE about women that says Greetings cards routinely tell us everybody deserves love. No. Everybody deserves clean water, and that made DOOM LAUGH as clean water is a PRIVILEGE in Latveria, and you have to EARN IT. The rest of that quote made me cranky there were a lot words and so THAT one is out, too. Also, DOOM likes food and if I say what I won't ever eat again, my COOKS will KNOW and that takes all the fun out of KILLING THEM when they displease me!!!11 DOOM DEMANDS POINTLESS VIOLENCE WITH HIS DINNER!!

So all of those prompts are out, LEAVING ME WITH BIRDS ON A TREE. Fine. Here's my answer, so I don't get kicked out of THEATRICAL MUSE and that IMPOSTER DOOM (don't think I didn't see your reply, I just do not deign to speak to FOOLISH AND UPPITY DOOMBOTS) takes my place. Or else, they'll give my spot to MODOK and his lame journal.

SO. MOVING ON. TREES, AND BIRDS.

Doom has a tree outside of his window. BECAUSE I AM THE SOVEREIGN OVER ALL LATVERIA, EVEN PLANT LIFE!!1 And there are birds sometimes. Once they chirped and woke me up too early, so I had the royal archer shoot them with arrows until they were all dead. Then I went back to sleep.

THE END.

"The true magic of this broken world lay in the ability of the things it contained to vanish, to become so thoroughly lost, that they might never have existed in the first place." The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, by Michael Chabon.


I don't even know what that MEANS.

Some things are DUMB, and then they go AWAY, and I don't really CARE if they do or not. I mean, for instance, we used to have this stupid TOWN SQUARE. In it was a statue of some STUPID ancient LATVERIAN RULER not related to me, so I don't care who it was and a FOUNTAIN. Peasants used to find it FUN to toss LATVERIAN RUBLES into the fountain and make WISHES.

FIRST OF ALL, what kind of WISH requires you to throw MONEY AWAY???? Are you wishing to be POOR? Because if you throw all your rubles into a FOUNTAIN, IDIOT PEASANT, that is what is going to HAPPEN!!!!!!

SECOND OF ALL, those RUBLES should have been GIVEN UNTO DOOM if you didn't NEED THEM, hello, so I could FURTHER THE GLORY OF LATVERIA get one of those TiVos that lets me watch one show and record another instead of just TOSSING IT WILLY-NILLY INTO MOSTLY STAGNANT WATER.

Jesus. No wonder you people need an overlord. You're too STUPID to do anything with your money other than THROW IT IN A SHALLOW POOL OF WATER.

Anyway, I sent architects to DISMANTLE IT overnight and toss the OFFENDING STATUE and ACCOMPANYING FOUNTAIN into the water.

I kept the money, though.

And if you mention that statue exists, you are TOSSED FROM A CLIFF.

So it vanished. And no one talks about it.

SEE HOW DOOM ERASES THE VERY EXISTENCE OF AESTHETICALLY PLEASING GRANITE FOUNTAINS?

TREMBLE BEFORE ME.

And really, don't throw money away. That's just DUMB.

[Doom!Mun apologizes for her absence. Life got busy. I'm back now. :-)]

Well, in twenty years--DOOM has some GOALS.

DO NOT MOCK DOOM'S GOALS! They are written in my day planner and everything. I read somewhere that having them listed out is a good idea so you can check them off and feel a sense of ACCOMPLISHMENT.

DOOM has a few checked off, and some which remain BLANK. "Terrorize Reed Richards" (that's my favorite one), "Destroy Reed Richards utterly" (REMAINS FRUSTRATINGLY UNCHECKED!!!) "Date a hot girl" (CHECK!!!11 Doom's girlfriend ANYA is beyond all conceivable HOTNESS!!11), "Host Winter Olympics" (*SHAKES FIST AT OLYMPIC COMMITTEE*), "Enter team of hot dog arials and downhill skiing into winter olympics" ([rage blackout]), "Gain control over rage blackouts--" (WAIT I DID NOT WRITE THIS!!11 *scratches off*)

ANYWAY.

One is "become acting president of Evil Masterminds Consortium." Ever year, DOOM fills out the SELF-NOMINATION FORM and EVERY YEAR, Doom is DENIED!!111 Last year they actually elected DOCTOR MINDBENDER from COBRA, the "terrorist organization that threatens democracy", which is really just "ways for Cobra Commander to finance his stupid weather experiments". DOOM DISAPPROVES OF WEATHER DOMINATORS, Cobra Commander, JUST SO YOU KNOW!11

Also, this year, there are rumors someone is nominating that madman ESSEX, for sneakily undermining SHIELD--OH LIKE THAT IS HARD TO DO????--or something, which is just LAME, because Essex is all whipped and not even properly SCARY anymore. Hmph.

Mindbender's term ends in 2012. I am beginning CAMPAIGNING NOW for my REIGN OF TERROR AND TORMENT (Anya, do you think that is a good name? And if I win, you get to be First Lady. You'd look really hot and everyone would ENVY DOOM, which is PLEASING unto me), and I think I have VERY FEW competitors of any substance, except maybe VOLDEMORT. Who showed up at the last meeting all, "Ooh, I'm he-who-must-not-be-named" and then Sauron threw a glass at him and they had a barfight, it was AWESOME.

ANYWAY.

That's what Doom will be doing in twenty years. And still with the hot-girlfriend-having. And the TORMENT OF MY ETERNAL ENEMY, RIIIIIIIIICHAAAAAAAAAARDS!

And we're hosting the Winter Olympics. DOOM WILL MAKE IT SO!!11

Doom also suggests you look at this WEBSITE, which shows you my DAILY AFFIRMATIONS.

Here's an example:

“Let THIS be the final thought I leave you with — so thoroughly DEFEATED are you — so powerless to affect me in any way that you no longer MATTER! You are not even IMPORTANT enough for me to DESTROY!”
-Dr. Doom, from Fantastic Four #58


And you all thought I just wrote like this in my JOURNAL.

SIMPLETONS!!!!

I, VICTOR VON DOOM, think I should declare a state of THEOCRACY in Latveria.

Is that the right way to say that? Declare a theocracy? Whatever, you're all reading that book about the BOY WIZARD, you don't care what Doom thinks!!11

Just THINK ABOUT THIS.

If I were to be a GOD, then I could have a PRIESTHOOD that would wear GREEN ROBES and bow to me when I entered a room. Maybe there could be like, a brazier or something, upon which my SUBJECTS burnt offerings to me! That would be AWESOME. I'd have to think of what they would be. Er, I mean, THEY COULD BE THE BODY PARTS OF MY ENEMIES!!!11 Yes. That is what I meant. DEFINITELY THAT. Not like, chicken wings, or stuff that would smell good and I could eat later.

FURTHERMORE, if I were a GOD, I could have COMMANDMENTS. And everyone would obey them or be THROWN FROM A CLIFF!!!11

Doom thus COMMANDS his WORSHIPERS:

1. TiVo DR. PHIL and read his BOOKS about SUCCESSFUL WEIGHT LOSS and FAMILY. I am really tired of all these Latverian crash diets and having to mediate stupid peasant divorces. GET IT TOGETHER!

2. SERVE DOOM, and ONLY DOOM. THOU SHALL HAVE NO OTHER OVERLORD DEITY BUT DOOM!!1 (I mean, that's kind of a given, right?)

3. DOOM'S GIRLFRIEND, Anya, will be given gifts when you see her, and you should scatter ROSE PETALS in her wake. Or tell her she's pretty. FOR SHE IS A CONSORT OF A GOD. And, really hot.

4. A great temple will be built in my honor. BUILD IT TO THE HEAVENS. Have an ETERNAL FLAME which is forever tended. Provide ETERNAL SNACKS in case I stop by to see it. I may not. BUT IF I DO I EXPECT SNACKS!!! My whims are capricious and must be ATTENDED TO always! (also, really, kind of a given)

5. All peoples of Latveria will have a small statue of me. They will pray to it before going to bed at night and ask for my blessing, though don't really expect any, because I am BUSY.

6. Everything I say is infallible and counts as SCRIPTURE. Whenever you talk about me and my HOLY WORDS OF WISDOM, you must end the sentence with, "...and thus spake DOOM." If you don't, I'll have your TONGUE REMOVED AND BURNED ON MY OFFERING BRAZIER!!11 Except would that smell bad? Maybe we should move it into the temple, the brazier? But then what if it makes the snacks taste bad? This is hard.

7. GOD I AM TIRED OF COMING UP WITH THESE. Just give DOOM all respect, honor, and obeisance!!!!

---

Wait, you know, BEING AN OVERLORD is just like being a GOD without the tricky brazier/snack/temple conundrum so FORGET IT.

Except it would be kind of cool to call Richards the Anti-christ. Anti-Doom? HA HA HA.

IS NOT DOOM HUMOROUS????

That goes on the list. "Laugh at all of Doom's jokes!"

Anyway, I expect all of this stuff anyway because I am VICTOR VON DOOM and I said so. There doesn't need to be any other reason.

Oh, whatever, go back to your stupid book. I'm on Chapter 2. Spoil DOOM and fear the wrath of a thousand suns! I hope Mad-Eye Moody makes it out okay, he's my favorite.

[OOC: This is bendy time, and really, doesn't need to be serious. Please have fun at Victor's party for his girlfriend. You don't really need a reason to be here, know Doom at all, or whatever. Doom!mun is away most of Weds, but will be back to send Victor around.]

Victor looked around the castle, wringing his hands. This was hard to do with metal gloves, but he managed.

"Are you SURE you have everything ready?" he boomed, addressing the head chef (the fourth one he'd had in a week, the others had defected to Rumekistan after Victor had yelled at them for not knowing what petit fours were. In point of fact, they had known--Victor thought they were something else entirely), pacing back and forth beneath a banner that said, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GIRLFRIEND OF DOOM!!!!!!!!!!111and Toad, ANYA!"

"Yes, sire," the distressed chef said, thinking longingly of his bed and the hours he was going to sleep once this was over. Possibly in a different country. Depending how things went.

"Good. THIS PARTY MUST BE PERFECT!!" Doom shouted, then looked at the chef. "Do you think I look all right?"

The chef felt his entire body clench in fear. There was no good way to answer this. Doom looked like he always did; metal armor, green cloak with a hood. Except the green cloak looked a bit brighter, like maybe Doom had it dry-cleaned.

I feel sorry for whoever did that, the chef--whose name, as it happened, was Reginald--thought, then said cautiously, "You look very daunting, sire," and hoped he'd live to make it until morning.

Victor, unbeknownst to Reginald, beamed beneath his mask. "Excellent," he said, clapping his hands together. It made a metallic thud. Reginald did not wince.

There were presents for Anya on a table. Reginald, and indeed the rest of Latveria, were a bit frightened that their overlord had a girlfriend. They were all curious if there would be a Royal Wedding at some point (Reginald hoped he'd not be the head chef, if Doom was this intense about a birthday party, but then again, when wasn't Doom intense?), and then maybe a baby that would grow up and succeed Victor.

And maybe it'd be sane.

But then they'd met Anya, and....

Well. It'd be something. Not sane, though. Then again, the Latverian Cliff Diving Team would be sad if they had no reason to practice, so who knew?

Victor waved the chef away. "Go forth and BAKE things of GREAT DELICIOUSNESS," he ordered, then stood by the door. He'd neglected to tell people when to show up. He'd just stand here until they did.

Doom has a VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

As you all know, my GIRLFRIEND, who is hotter than any GIRLFRIEND any of you will ever HAVE, and who may be dating Toad, but whatever, I am still calling her my girlfriend because it PLEASES ME, is having a BIRTHDAY on WEDNESDAY, JULY 4th.

THIS day, therefore, will henceforth be known as ANYA DAY in Latveria. All female babies born on this day are to be NAMED AFTER THE BEAUTEOUSNESS that is ANYA.

HARKEN UNTO ME, or I shall DESTROY YOU if you FAIL TO COMPLY!!!!11uno!

Anyway, I told Anya that we could have her birthday party at my castle. In Latveria. Haha, Toad, you couldn't do that in your SUPER SEEKRIT BROTHERHOOD BASE. So you can all COME, as long as you PROPERLY bestow praise and EXPENSIVE GIFTS onto my girlfriend ANYA.

WHO IS PRETTY.

ANYWAY,you will COME to my party if you WANT. I have plenty of ROOMS just have to get rid of the bots and the torture equipment--or hide it under a tarp, or something, that's nice, top-rate stuff there you can SLEEP in, but if you go MISSING or end up TOSSED OFF A CLIFF, don't blame ME.

CABLE, you can't come unless you bring me Anya some WINE.

GIRLFRIEND, are you pleased with this post?????!

DOOM MUST KNOW IF HE HAS PLEASED YOU. Now that I have a girlfriend, I really don't know what I'm doing with you half the time, but hey, it's a start.

Doom's mun may just be thrilled Doom has a girlfriend, and that it's Anya, of all people, who was her favorite Buffy character. I'll put up a party post on Wednesday, and feel free to tag on it. Notifs will be off, and it can be bendy time (since many of us are AFK, including Doom!Mun, will be off for festivities. is talking about myself in the third person bad? Does it make me Victor? *worries*)

But if you CALL HER THAT, I will BEHEAD YOU!!11 Only DOOM may refer to Anya as a hot chick. THE REST OF YOU WILL BE NICE TO HER OR YOU WILL SUFFER MY WRATH!11

Anyway, so, Anya came to visit me, and today, she said COURTING COUPLES often have PICTURES. So she SENT ME some she took while she was VISITING. Or a peasant took. She's in it. I DON'T KNOW, maybe I made that Doombot the one that looks like Susan Storm take the picture.

WHATEVER, the point is not who took the PICTURES!!111

The point is, DOOM HAS A HOT GIRLFRIEND.

BEHOLD HER HOTNESS! But keep in mind my dire warning of beheadings!!111uno





Richards, she is so much hotter than yours!


OOC: I maybe made a sound that frightened my neighbor's dogs when I saw these pictures. Courtesy of strngly_literal's mun, who made them. Also, I think you're pretty, Susan Storm. It's just, you know how Doom is :-)

[The following gift is wrapped in green paper and tied with a shiny silver bow. It is delivered to Anya with a note. It's very short. Victor is not good at courting anyone. In fact, he doesn't even know there's a word for it.]

Dear Anya,

I heard you didn't like rabbits.

Sincerely,

V. Von Doom
Overlord
Latveria

PS: Sometimes it's cold in teh Latverian mountains.

[Inside the box is a floor-length, rabbit fur coat.]

*BEAMS*

The nice MUN of that FISHMAN Davy Jones made me this:



HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!uno!!1leventy-one

DOOM is going to have this FRAMED and put up behind his THRONE.

LOOK AT HOW DOOM PWNS LEE ADAMA!!1111

I am BEATING his MAN PAIN out of him!!!11

IS DOOM NOT MERCIFUL???!!!!

HA HA HA.

Literally!!11

Tonight, I saw FANTASTIC FOUR 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer RETURN OF DR. DOOOOOOM! What? It's what it SHOULD have been called.

First of all, SUSAN RICHARDS looked like TORI SPELLING for most of that film. I DON'T GET IT BUT OKAY.

Here is my REVIEW.

( SPOILERS that I have to cut so no one reports me to LJ ABUSE or something. )

IN CONCLUSION, go see this movie for ME. All the other parts, bring a book or play BEJEWELED on your CELL PHONE or something because they're lame. Also, Jessica Alba is hereby BANNED from setting FOOT in Latveria for her POOR ACTING SKILLS, and if she does show up, THERE IS A CLIFF WITH HER NAME ON IT!111

(I didn't see a single cliff, either. HMPH.)

Also, the Fantasticar was a DODGE. I expected REED would have gone with a HYBRID, like a Prius or something, for the TAX BREAK. But NOOOOO.

Doom is MOSTLY PLEASED. He would like more BOMBASTIC SCREEN TIME in the next movie. And for Susan Richards to be eaten by a BEAR.

*clears throat* strngly_literal, if you go see it, I'll tell you all the parts that you don't want to see becasue I get my ass kicked they are too BORING to subject such a pretty LADY to. You could go see it with me, and I'll just edit out all the parts with Sue and other boring people in it.

DOOM CONCLUDES HIS MOVIE REVIEW. That will be all.

Meme!

If you have something you want to tell me, or questions to ask about my pups, or the way I do things with my pups, then please do so now. It can be about how I play them, how I write them, how I see them, or whatever you want to discuss.

Good, bad, indifferent, or whatever it happens to be, I'd like the chance to answer and to give my own personal viewpoints on things.

I posted this at Sinister's journal, but I'll post here too. I'm the mun for iamdoom, red_eyed_sin, tm_magneto, tm_creed, and the unofficial muse, izzy_chambers.

Also, um, I really want to thank everyone for all the nice things y'all say about Dr. Doom. When I came up with this entire thing with my friend at IHOP, I was convinced no one but us would think it was funny. I love my psychotically insane muse, and I'm glad y'all do, too! ♥

Now I have to stop writing OOC in Victor's journal, before the poor boy has a rage blackout over his mun being sappy :-)

I hear in the new FF2 movie, Victor Von Doom backhands a Latverian peasant. I am going to go see this because I don't think I can properly express my joy at that.

OOC: Um...I'm so, so sorry.

I have SECRETS.

DUH. Only BORING people don't have any SECRETS.

I don't know that I want to SHARE them with you people, though. But here are a FEW. About OTHER PEOPLE. What is the point of telling secrets about ME, that maybe you would USE LATER just to TORMENT ME, huh? HUH??!! DOOM WILL NOT FALL VICTIM TO YOUR CLEVER TRAPS!111

1. Reed Richards used to steal SILVERWARE from the dining hall from EMPIRE STATE UNIVERSITY (what, did he tell you he went Ivy League? *SNORT*) and I don't know WHY, but I think it was a cry for ATTENTION I mean, he did live with me, it's hard to compete and when we moved out, he PUT THEM ALL UNDER MY BED so I had FIFTEEN MILLION STUPID FORKS with those HUGE TINES or whatever and so I brought them back to LATVERIA and melted them into one of these ADORNMENTS on my CLOAK.

IS DOOM NOT CLEVER AND ARTISTIC?? I had a Bedazzler but Reed said I'd get beat up if I used it so I gave it to this girl down the hall. He was probably just JEALOUS, at both the girl and the Bedazzler. But probably more about the Bedazzler..

2. BRUCE WILLIS IS DEAD AT THE END OF THAT ONE MOVIE!111 Oh, I'm sorry, did I SPOIL it for you? DOOM MOCKS YOUR PAIN. HA HA HA.

3. Steve Rogers is totally still alive, and I think he's sleeping with Iron Man. Or he used to. Or is going to later. Whatever, something like that. A threesome with Jean Grey? I can't figure it out, I guess I'll stay tuned like everyone else. Hurry it up, people, we all want to KNOOOOOW.

4. LEE ADAMA is a WHINY BABY, filled to the BRIM with MAN PAIN. Oh, wait, that is hardly a SECRET. HA HA HA.

5. Susan Richards once tried to have SEX with me. Oh, don't DENY IT, Susan. You KNOW it's the truth. So what if I was MIND CONTROLLING you at the time. That was that time, right? Or was that the time in college you had too much to drink and thought I was Reed?

6. RACHEL GREY has gone CRAZY. I'm sorry, people, but if none of you noticed? What planet are you on? I mean, I didn't even GO to Disneyworld (NO ONE SAW FIT TO INVITE DOOM!!11, for which you will all pay in the fires of a thousand hells, et al) and even I COULD TELL. Doesn't that girl have a MOTHER??! Or some VALIUM? For serious.

THIS REMINDS DOOM of something. Why did I, the LATVERIAN DICTATOR, not get an invite to Disneyworld?? MAGNETO and his GROUP OF TERRORIST IDIOTS did! I don't care about the name ret-con (who do you think you are, Magneto, Marvel?? Are you Arad in disguise??? *peers under helmet*) it's the BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MUTANTS and he still got to go to DISNEYWORLD. WTF. I think I should start calling myself EVIL OVERLORD OF THE SOVEREIGN NATION OF DEATH AND PAIN LATVERIA just to get INVITED to THEME PARKS.

MOVING ON.

7. I have a Doombot that looks like Johnny Storm, and sometimes, I make it serve me TEA in a frilly APRON and then I point and laugh at it.

8. Ditto with the Reed!Bot

9. Ditto with the Sue!Bot, but I make it wear a fedora and a man's tie. Sometimes we have conversations. Sue!Bot may be a little attached. I--I don't want to talk about it.

10. Metal chafes. So I use baby powder. MOCK ME AT YOUR PERIL!!11

It has come to DOOM'S attention that he has won an AWARD.

I am EXPECTING it to be for something like MOST IMPRESSIVE OVERLORD. Or possibly MOST BRILLIANT SCIENTIST IN THE HISTORY OF EVER.

Then I read that ESSEX won some AWARD for being KINKY. DOESN'T THAT MAKE ANYONE ELSE WANT TO VOMIT????!!!!

CLOWNS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE KINKY---WHAT IS IT, MUN, WHY ARE YOU GLARING--oh, right, my award. What's it for, again? Oh, follow this link, right. I'm certain it'll be for my BRILLIANCE or perhaps how I inspire FEAR in the hearts of--

*clicks link*

[RAGE BLACKOUT]

OOC: Doom!Mun is very humbled that you all think Doom is funny. He's supposed to be funny--he just doesn't really know that. Thank you!